Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Banned from zoo.
Again?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im calling her cock vulture from now on
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
