pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
