Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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