Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I have already put on my inside pants.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize