Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Send help, water and tortillas.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
