Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
