did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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