apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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