Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
