she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
