Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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