I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
