I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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