I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize