# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
