I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
