advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
