Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
