I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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