I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
