brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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