If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize