Will you blow on my dice?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize