my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
