dude i'm inner monologue high
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize