I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
