my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
