So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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