i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I will be naked everywhere
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
