Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
