South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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