new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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