No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
