she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just pee around me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
