then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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