Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
