I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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