how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
