Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
