I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
