My hand turned me down
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
