Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
