I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
