he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
