I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
