You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
