It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
