I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
