I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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