I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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