Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
