Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
