Me. At least after what I've been through.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
