You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
