I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Houston, we have a blender
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
