For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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