I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
