And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
A bitchslap is in order.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
