Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
