You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
