Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize