can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
