So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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