Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How does one acquire holy water?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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