Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she smelled like a LAN party
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
