wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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