can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
