please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
