Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
