And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
