Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The best revenge is premature balding
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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