would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
