So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
