Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
