Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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