my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
